June 07, 2005

If You Build It, I Will Move

The West Side Stadium has been killed.
New Yorkers breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Because quite frankly no REAL New Yorker in their right fucking mind would dream of putting a stadium on the west side, or anywhere in Manhattan for that matter. Traffic is already a nightmare. All our best hooker-ridden neighborhoods have already been gentrified beyond belief. This is why we have outer borroughs, People: to house the shit Manhattanites just don't want to deal with.
And don't get me started on this insane notion that New York would somehow be a good (or even remotely appropriate) place to hold the Olympics.
Because we have so much fucking space to put all those prospective Olympic spectators and handle the inevitable rise in illegal immigrants and drain on the economy that occurs after every Olympics in every city.
Because New Yorkers LOVE visitors from out of town.
Because The Olympics have really been looking to spruce up their image with the City whose motto is "Get the Fuck Out Of My Way." (OK, maybe that's my motto. But then again, I AM NY).
Because that money couldn't be used to, oh, I don't know, improve city schools, or roads, or the subways, or terror protection, or to help the homeless, or reopen firehouses, or to pay for a public beating of everyone who walks 4 across on the sidewalk and makes me late for work, or to build a giant ball crawl in Central Park (that would be SO much fun), or to sterilize Paris Hilton.

Up Next for New York? A Shiny New Monorail! Just like in Ogdenville, North Haverbrook, and Brockway! Monorail! Monoraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail!
And the West Side Stadium was the only folly that the people of New York ever embarked upon. Except for eliminating subway attendants. And taxi fare hikes. And that whole Republican Convention Thing.


Blogger Becka said...

That post made me want to move to New York. You might want to edit ;)

9:36 PM  
Blogger deanne said...

Sure you're not a Londoner?! You *sound* like one of us! ("ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US!" zombie style!)

6:15 AM  
Anonymous Bathroom Reading said...

Actually, Dan, the official New York City motto is, "Our City Can Kick Your City's Ass."

No, I'm not making that up. It started a big kerfuffle when they adopted it.

11:17 AM  

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