June 06, 2005

Weekend Recap

Saturday night marked the arrival of a houseguest Sister and I are hosting for the next 9 days. There's a long story behind who he is, so I'll break it down as quickly as possible:
He lives in Sweden, where he's spent the last 3 years in the army.
He's Spanish born.
He's incredibly hot.
My sister met him in a gay club last year and we've been in touch ever since.
I think that about covers it.
Oh yeah, and he walked into our apartment, set down his bags, exclaimed "It's fucking HOT in here!" stripped down to his underwear and spent the rest of the evening walking around the apartment as such, oblivious to the fact that I haven't had sex in 2 months. Some people can be so inconsiderate.

Saturday night, after he arrived, he demanded that we go out clubbing.
First Stop:
Roxy. Home to my wasted law school years, the once great venue has degenerated in less than a year to the only place in New York where a death rattle has been set to 4/4 time. I couldn't leave fast enough. Though the most awkward part of the evening had to be when my direct superior at work came up behind me. Nothing like seeing your boss shirtless at a gay club when you're a bit drunk and with your Sister and some really drunk friends to make you throw up in your mouth a little. Sure, he's hot and we have a good working relationship and he has invited me out clubbing with him before (SHUT UP. He's got a husband.), it's still weird to see the guy you spend every day with in a shirt and tie discussing insurance law and the Department of Justice dancing around while some overweight diva screams about being broken hearted and getting by with Jesus' help. I'm just sayin....
At about 3:30, Sister, Houseguest, Upstairs Neighbor, Don and I took our leave from the House that Drunken Hookups Built and headed to Spirit.
Again, I give abbreviated versions of events, mostly because my memories of the rest of the evening are...Compromised.
Leah joined up with us upon arrival, as did Lines.
Annie had never been clubbing in New York. Leah has been, but not like this.
Fast forward to an hour later. Annie announced that she was not leaving and may be moving into the club. Leah proclaimed
Junior "A Complete Genius Who Everyone Should Listen to Always No Matter What." Sister didn't get thrown out for sneaking in the fire door. As nights at the club go, it ranked pretty high. Or as Leah put it: "Why the fuck would anyone be sleeping or going to Church or something on a Sunday when you could be doing this all morning?"
And then the opening beats of "Unspeakable Joy" dropped, and everything after that is kind of lost. It was one of those undefinable moments, when you can't explain it, you just know you pretty much wanted it to last forever.
By the time we dragged out tired asses out the door at 10am, Houseguest had disappeared with nothing more than our address on a business card in his pocket and no way for us to reach him/him to reach us. I could not see straight. Sister had briefly nodded off in a corner of the club. On our way back down 10th Avenue, Leah excitedly pointed out two little girls pushing strollers up the middle of the street, expressing concern that their parents were no where to be seen. As it turns out, they were two midgets pushing strollers (Ed. note: When I called my mother to tell her this - note to self: when you're on the walk home from a club at 10am when your eyes can't focus, your judgment may be slightly impaired. Calling the parents may, in fact, not be the best idea - she was, upon stopping laughing like a loon, immediately able to identify which two midgets we saw. My mother has a weird
Midget Humor Fetish. Again, Don't Ask).
Somehow I ended up having to go into the office for an hour (see above note, re: Impairment of Judgment). Leah eventually made her way back to my place when I got home from work, and we spent the afternoon at the Xopher St. Pier, followed by dinner in Chelsea.

How in the eff am I functional today after no sleep all weekend, an inordinate amount of substance abuse and roughly 8 hours of straight cardio without any food?
Practice Bitches.


Post a Comment

<< Home