May 31, 2005

You Make The Call: Sanctity of Marriage Edition

OK, Which disgusts you more: Paris Hilton's engagement to Paris Lastis or Tom Cruise's "engagement" to Katie Holmes?
Before you make a decision, consider the following:

  • A Lifetime of reading/hearing about Paris (squared) - ed. note: Damn you blogger for not letting me use superscript! Damn You! (Dan Stands up and Screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" with hands in the air a la Darth Vader)
  • Having to endure the endless movies Katie Holmes will now have a starring "acting" role in as consideration for her marriage to Cruise
  • Putting up with their being called "TomKat" for the rest of our natural lives
  • Possible future appearances on Oprah during which Cruise may just pleasure himself to a picture of his bride to prove his absolute undying love for women. Ahem.
  • The poor, poor dress designer saddled with creating a wedding gown for Paris that allows her to simultaneously look classy and flash her chacha on the way down the aisle.
  • The future possibility of having to endure a Paris Hilton pregnancy. It would be like the media coverage of Britney's pregnancy, except without the class. And with orgies.
  • The eventual reality TV show that will track Paris' trip from media savvy whore with a trust fund to trophy wife with Chlamydia
  • The inevitable book Cruise will publish detailing every step of a Scientologist wedding (I hear the champagne is replaced with Kool Aide. Drink the Kool Aide! Drink It!)

In completely unrelated news, Thanks Becka!

4 Comments:

Blogger A* said...

Too...much..mocking...brain overloading...must...snark....will explode.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

2:28 PM  
Blogger hofzinser said...

I see nothing in this post about me.

I'm outta here....

2:40 PM  
Blogger hofzinser said...

"Possible future appearances on Oprah during which Cruise may just pleasure himself to a picture of his bride to prove his absolute undying love for women"

...BTW, still laughing my ass off on this one.

5:47 PM  
Blogger Becka said...

Velcome!

8:18 PM  

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