I Blinded Me With Science
I fixed my computer this morning. Well, I fixed the part of it that reads my ipod. And really, aside from oversized coaster and blog machine, what is my computer other than the thing that makes my ipod work?
You see, the port on the side of my computer would not recognize my ipod. Sister's computer recognizes my ipod. My friend Ed's computer recognizes my ipod. My palm pilot thinks it looks vaguely familiar and maybe they went to college together, but isn't really sure and is too embarrassed to go up and ask. My Blackberry knows the face, but I've never introduced the two.
So this morning, for some reason, I mentally bounced back to Mr. Shoemaker's 7th grade science class. Once I got over the fact that I was roughly 5'3" and weighed 175 pounds (Shut. Up.) and wearing Skidz and a sweater vest (man, I had NO friends), the image of Mr. Shoemaker appeared beside me, all Yoda-like.
"Daaaaaaaan, Stop picking your nose, you're going to make it bleed."
Wait. That wasn't the important part of the message.
"Salt water makes an excellent conductor of electricity."
As luck would have it, I was in the process of making a hangover-fueled attempt at putting in my contacts at that very moment. Note to Self: Next time lapse into semi-hallucinogenic flashback, wait until after you have finished jabbing a finger in your eye.
And so I took my $1.99 bottle of Duane Reade Saline solution, marched to the living room, jammed the nozzle into my firewire port, and sprayed like a teenager touching a boob in the back of his father's volvo. Sure, Flooding my mother board with salt water most likely invalidated my warranty, but I'm relatively certain that sending a letter to Dell Corporate comparing their version of Customer Service to having a prostate exam performed by Edward Scissorhands pretty much guaranteed that their tech support department won't be taking my calls any more.
And when I plugged in my ipod, for the first time in 2 months, it recognized and updated it. And now I'm sitting at my desk listening to X & Y.
You see, the port on the side of my computer would not recognize my ipod. Sister's computer recognizes my ipod. My friend Ed's computer recognizes my ipod. My palm pilot thinks it looks vaguely familiar and maybe they went to college together, but isn't really sure and is too embarrassed to go up and ask. My Blackberry knows the face, but I've never introduced the two.
So this morning, for some reason, I mentally bounced back to Mr. Shoemaker's 7th grade science class. Once I got over the fact that I was roughly 5'3" and weighed 175 pounds (Shut. Up.) and wearing Skidz and a sweater vest (man, I had NO friends), the image of Mr. Shoemaker appeared beside me, all Yoda-like.
"Daaaaaaaan, Stop picking your nose, you're going to make it bleed."
Wait. That wasn't the important part of the message.
"Salt water makes an excellent conductor of electricity."
As luck would have it, I was in the process of making a hangover-fueled attempt at putting in my contacts at that very moment. Note to Self: Next time lapse into semi-hallucinogenic flashback, wait until after you have finished jabbing a finger in your eye.
And so I took my $1.99 bottle of Duane Reade Saline solution, marched to the living room, jammed the nozzle into my firewire port, and sprayed like a teenager touching a boob in the back of his father's volvo. Sure, Flooding my mother board with salt water most likely invalidated my warranty, but I'm relatively certain that sending a letter to Dell Corporate comparing their version of Customer Service to having a prostate exam performed by Edward Scissorhands pretty much guaranteed that their tech support department won't be taking my calls any more.
And when I plugged in my ipod, for the first time in 2 months, it recognized and updated it. And now I'm sitting at my desk listening to X & Y.
posted by Dxx at 9:53 AM
Quote:
...sprayed like a teenager touching a boob in the back of his father's volvo
Oh...giggle...my...chortle...snicker...GAWD!!!
gigglegiggleBWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA