Because Let's Face It: You Can Only Wank So Many Times In A Day

As of 5:00 I will officially be between jobs. I don't say unemployed because people on unemployment get checks, wheras I, sadly, will most likely be seen very soon attempting to trade rarely viewed DVDs for food. That copy of The Broken Hearts Club that I watched like twice cost me $18. Surely it must be worth that much in Fresco Tortillas. As a bonus, the guy that works there looks like he could use a little gay cinema in his life. It's win-win.

In the interest of keeping busy, I've been thinking about ways to fill my time, workouts, sleep and employment searches aside. I've actually got lots to do. (I realize this is two posts of lists in a row. Forgive me. It will stop. Promise.)

• Sort out all spare keys from friends, so that every time one of them calls me because they are locked out I don't have to bring every key in my house like that little Asian guy in the Matrix Sequel
• Organize Ipod. Spend a good two hours being ashamed of some of the music I listen to.
• Reformat Laptop
• Spend a day at the movie theater on 42nd. See Sideways, A Very Long Engagement, House of Flying Daggers, Ray, The Motorcycle Diaries, Closer and The Spongebob Squarepants Movie
• Call Soulless Fuckwad's house. Ask if Rupert is at home. When told I have wrong number, Indignantly ask "Then why did you pick up?". Hang up. Laugh Hysterically. Repeat with different, yet equally funny name.
• Oxyclean formerly white and now kind of brown and spotted couch
• Take duvet to drycleaners. Pretend to ignore their judgmental stares (unlike beer stains, certain other stains don't "wash right out")
• Grocery Shopping. Because all I have in my house to eat is expired soy milk, a month old Ben & Jerry's, ketchup and some olive oil.
• Think of interesting topics to blog about so the few readers I have won't be bored with endless list-style blogs.

There will be updates all day, as I refuse to do anything on my last day but collect my paycheck, purge my computer of all programs and files I have saved on it, and misuse firm bandwith.