January 13, 2005

Tomorrow Is My Last Day Of Work

It should have been yesterday, as I have done absolutely nothing for the last 24 hours but stare at the wall, email friends, IM and play online.
Why can't I leave yet? Well, for starters, Friday is payday.
And because I have to be around for my going away party.
Trust me, this is not the type of party I would throw for myself. These little fiestas lack all semblance of anything I associate with the word "Party". Where's the booze? Where are the attractive but morally quesitonable men? Why isn't anyone banging on a nearby door, attempting to liberate the bathroom from the control of drunk fag hags doing lines of blow off the back of the toilet? And Why the hell are you people from the office here?
We have a conference room in the office that no one uses. Ever. In point of fact, the only use it ever gets is when we have an office "surprise" party. You see, the office manager orders food, and everyone but the honoree (birthday boy/girl/temp/Soulless Fuckwad) gathers in the unused conference room. Said honoree is then called in his/her office and asked "Could you please come to the conference room?"
Now while I seriously doubt the mental capacity of some of my colleagues, it doesn't take a Mathlete to figure it out.
"Hmmmm. It's my birthday/anniversary with the firm/I passed the bar/I got my citizenship/I'm leaving/I harvested my One Millionth Soul Today, and they're calling me to the conference room, where I never set foot unless we're having a party of some kind. Geez, each time I'm in there, it's because I'm on the other end, listening to the front secretary call someone else to come and be surprised. Hm. Strange. Oh well. Maybe it's a meeting or someth- OOOOH! You guys! Pizza? and Kosher Cheesecake? You shouldn't have!"
It's enough to make you want to quit.


Blogger MooCow said...

At a former company when someone left we'd have to go around the room in the departmental meeting and say something nice about the person.

Despite the fact that they did shit like this that made us feel like we were five years old, we didn't get nap time or milk and cookies.


6:24 PM  

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