September 01, 2005

Pope A Cap In Yo' Ass



After a long hiatus, PopeWatch! is back, and more out of touch with reality than ever.
Pope Benedict XVI (This Time, It's Personal!) (Ed. Note: I also considered the taglines "Catholics in Space" and "The Pope Takes Manhattan", but opted for the more vague and appropriate declaration of the personal nature of this Pope. It just played better with test audiences) has come out swinging once again, fists in the air and head planted firmly up his ass.
This go round, Il Ratz has boldly declared that
Catholics need to have more babies immediately 'for the good of society'. The Pontiff (Latin word meaning he with the oversized hat and neck wattle) also stated that "Having children is a gift that brings life and well-being to society," during an address given right after he returned from his summer residence southeast of Rome.
Oh, antiquated, shortsighted puppet, you make it almost too easy.
First and foremost, I'm glad that the Pope is addressing such serious issues. As we are all aware, the world is dangerously underpopulated. So let's get on that kids. Uglies must be bumped as soon as possible, for the good of this woefully barren and desolate rock we call Earth. Seriously. Where all my fruitful peeps at?
OK, secondly, I'd just like to point out that the Pope, much like President "There's A Storm A Brewin' and A Major City's Under Water and Hundreds, Maybe Thousands Are Dead and I Forgot I Started A War But Let's Take An Extended Vacation Anyway", spent the summer away from the action. No real point to that observation, I just thought the comparison was insteresting. And I hate the President, so I'll take any chance I can to insult him (In his defense, I hear tell that W didn't really know there was a hurricane; He thought Cheney had popped his copy of
The Day After Tomorrow in the DVD player again, and only realized that maybe something was up when the people running from the walls of water didn't fall in love in a library, and Jake Gyllenhaal was nowhere to be seen).
And lastly, because I take everything personally, does this feel like a kind of sly swipe at the gays to anyone else? He's making this big hooplah about having children being essential to society's well being and went so far as to say that not haivng children "deprives some nations of freshness and energy and of hopes for the future". Now, who is incapable of having children...think...think....hmmmmm... Perhaps underpinning yet another spate of
anti gay rhetoric?
You know, Scientology may be the religion of egomaniacal lunatics, but at least they don't hate like the egomaniacal lunatics of the Catholic Religion.
Beam Me Up, Tommy.

4 Comments:

Blogger A* said...

"deprives some nations of freshness and energy and of hopes for the future".

Honey, that's b/c they don't have designers. Really Nate Berkus would live up shit laden hovel more so than children.

10:47 AM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

The Pope is a former Nazi! He's trying to start up the 4th Reich with an army of babies. It has nothing to do with being gay. Until he releases his master plan. Then it has something to do with being gay.

12:13 PM  
Blogger allison said...

I am more afraid of the fact that we are living a REAL LIFE "Day After Tomorrow" at the moment. Hello, natural disasters of catastrophic proportions! Maybe Popey is trying to even the odds by repopulating the weather-ravaged areas.

Where IS Jake Gylllennhalll, anyway? I'd repopulate with him, quirky as he may be.

1:26 PM  
Blogger d2ana said...

sly swipe at the gays to anyone else? He's making this big hooplah about having children being essential to society's well being ... Now, who is incapable of having children...think

wow, thanks for that perspective. i'd otherwise have just rolled my eyes at the policy, without realizing its insidiousness. so many subliminal messages out there...hard to filter them out.

9:03 AM  

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