January 10, 2006

The Single Gayest and Most Melodramatic Thing I Will Ever Commit To Print

Mario Cantone said it best in the Sex and The City Finale Special: "All my gay friends think they're Carrie. You're Not Fucking Carrie! You. Are. Not. Get over yourself."
Remember the 2nd Season finale? Big comes back from Paris, Carrie finds out he's engaged. They attempt to be friendly, until she finds out he's engaged. The discuss their relationship a bit. She tries to be OK with it. The four women compare Big and Carrie to Hubbell and K-K-K-Katie in The Way We Were. She meets him outside the hotel after his engagement party. He finally tells her the truth about why he couldn't be with her.
"Why wasn't it me?"
"Come on. Be a friend."
"It just got so hard. And She's..."
"...Your girl is lovely, Hubbell."


Bartender returned from his vacation in South America last week.
Let me rephrase that.
The week before Bartender left, he dragged me away from our friends at a bar, grabbed me and kissed me. I did nothing to prompt it. Swear. A week later, standing in a doorway, I was yelling at him for fucking with me. I asked him why he kissed me. He kissed me again. And again in a bar. And on the street. And against a fence. And on a corner. And at the top of the stairs to the train. And we talked (through our vodka haze) about why he treats me like he does, and why he doesn't just give us a chance.
Then he got on a plane and left to spend Christmas with his boyfriend in Columbia.
We didn't talk for 3 weeks. In the interim I went to London, where I gave it all serious thought. And realized what everyone has been telling me for a long time.
I came back. He called me the day I got back and immediately asked me "Did you meet anyone in London?" No. I did not.
When I saw him the next night, I had little to no tolerance for his bullshit. He told me I was not allowed to go back to London because it made me bitter. I told him it gave me perspective.
Last night, due to an argument that I wanted to settle, we ended up having one very long and very overdue discussion, at the end of which I decided that I will not be talking to him for a long time. Not because I hate him. Far from it. Because we named everything between us, and I just can't do this anymore.
The culmination:
"Bartender, just cut the shit and be honest. Where do I stand with you?"
"I like you. I do. But you're too intense. Things got so complicated between us. I want to make it work with my boyfriend. It's simpler."

"...Your girl is lovely, Hubbell."


Blogger Serra said...

Bartender's a damned idiot.

Not that it makes you feel better, I'm sure, but he is.

8:46 PM  
Blogger allison said...

Enough now.


Good for you, I say. YOU DID IT. I want to close my hands around your heart and hold it for a while until it is healed a little more, cuz I know how heavy it is right now. : (

Until then...when we drinkin'? Cuz we got some clinkin' to do, my friend.

9:55 PM  
Blogger MooCow said...

I'm sending allison and A* a money order to buy you a drink this week...

11:44 PM  
Anonymous Jules said...

Oh, honey. You know...nothing worthing a damn is easy. I swore I was going to marry a man who eventually married the personification of non-fat cream cheese...no spice, no flavor, but something that's easy enough to agree to because it's so uncomplicated.

You'll find a man that adores you in spite of and sometimes because of the intensity. And it will take a lot of work, but the product will sustain you.

And you, my friend, are the treasure. DO NOT FORGET THAT.

10:30 AM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

He can't love you like alcohol can.

1:52 PM  
Blogger A* said...

BWA HA HA HA HA!! "personification of non-fat cream cheese" oh that Jules- always a riot.

The four of us need to get together and do another drowning-in-bloody-marys brunch.

You know how to reach me darling. I am always up for melted cheese, tapas and wine.


4:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bartender is a passive/aggressive creep. Why not kiss you? You're hot and you never stopped him before. I nicer guy wouldn't screw with you like that. Often we just have to suck it up and go through the damn hurt. It sucks and it gets better sllllooowly.
By the way, love the analogy to SATC. Fab!

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On top of it all, do you REALLY want a guy that is kissin' on you despite (or in spite of) the fact he already has a boyfriend?? He'd eventually just do the same thing to you... men are too predictable to deny that.

3:32 PM  

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