November 29, 2005

Virtual Tour: After

OK, so here are the "After" pictures.
Let's start in the bedroom. Where the enemy sleeps. Where the magic used to happen. I know there were no "Before" pictures of the bedroom, but it wasn't pretty. Ikea all around, a dresser with drawers that didn't open, a beige (!) Nautica bedspread that had since become a mottled kind of yellowish brown. Ew. Note the green accent wall. Color chosen when I decided to paint that wall at approximately 5:30 pm. Paint store closed at 6. I painted it all by myself.
Ladder shelf courtesy of my furniture guy from the 39th St. Flea Market. I love him. He's old and cantankerous and makes beautiful stuff and gives it to me cheap. Don't you just want to sleep with me? I'm currently taking applications for emotionally distant Latin men to, ahem, "fill", ahem, the, uh... position.
We make our way out into the hall, now completely devoid of super soakers and hemp jewelry. And dried flower arrangements. Also, I painted the walls a fun color called "Starlight". Wheee!!!!
You can also start to get your first glimpses of the bathroom, purged of all nautical nonsense (If nautical nonsense be something you wish, drop on the deck and flop like a fish! Spongebob Squarepants! Spongebo- oh, sorry. Forgot you were all here for a second. We move on.)
I totally installed the shelf above the toilet. I also installed all the other shelves in my apartment. I used a drill. In many instances to bore into concrete. I'm butch, yo.
You can't see it in these pictures, but the walls in the bathroom are now a nice sky blue, and there's this nifty West Elm shower curtain in there.
We round the corner into the kitchen/hallway. The fridge now cleansed of all ridiculousness, the storage space now cleared of the camping stove and halloween decorations. The scooter and mini fridge gone. Dad even hung my big fat mirror (yes, I am naked to the waist taking these pictures. I'm hot. You want to be in my bedroom even more now, don't you?). Also note the fun floating candle shelves. Those are my second favorite thing in the house now.

This fun little corner, now home to antiques from my Grandparents' house, was where the giant lizard tank used to be. It's somewhat more inviting right when you walk in the door than a 45 cubic foot plexiglass house of stink. In the reverse view, you get to see my awesome table, which is surrounded by chairs on loan from Chris until mine come in from back order in January. You also get a view of the two most important things in the house: #2 is the DVD tower to your right. Because when my life sucks, I watch TV and movies. A Lot. #1 (also for then my life sucks) is, of course: The Bar. Donations to stock the woefully empty and sad bar are now being taken. For just pennies a day you can keep me and my friends inebriated to the point of forgetting our jobs, lack of relationships, parents, bills, and lack of more booze.
And the living room itself. The biggest change. It is now a place where I like to be, where I feel comfortable having people, where you want to sink into the couch and never get up. My roommate and I have already spent many an entire day lying on opposite legs of the couch, attempting to be productive but incapable of escaping the grip of the powerful assmagnet buried deep within. Dad hung the curtains, because Lord knows that had I attempted, the result would have been several small fires and a trip to the Emergency Room.

You can also get a much better look at my table, and the new TV, as well as my tiny coffee table, also made by my furniture guy at the flea market. Other things of note: The Fickle Finger of Fate and its place of supreme prominence in my gracious drawing room, the shelf of useless tzochkes picked out by various friends (Thanks A* and Allison!). My coffe table has actual coffee table books. The carpet matches the curtains. And the throw pillows. And the throw. The picture in the middle of the room was purchased for me at Auction by Mr. K. I love my living room now. I love sitting in it and watching TV. I love sleeping in it. I love having friends over. Ya'll are totally invited.
The final picture is of what has become everyone's favorite spot in the house: The nook. (What do you want? Can you think of a better name? It's a fucking nook, people. Deal with it.) As Beth put it so succinctly (as succinct as one can be after several glasses of wine) "It's just so... cornery." Bartender tells me it's the most inviting place in the entire house (Note to Self: should have employed nook-style magic in bedroom). Bradders and I spent most of an afternoon sitting on the chest and windowsill smoking and discussing, well, everything. It doesn't look like much here, but in real life, when it's dark and the light is on under the plant, it's really nice. The picture doesn't do it justice.
So that's it kids. This concludes our tour. We hope you've enjoyed your stay. Thanks to everyone who helped me get at least the apartment part of my life together.

Now if anyone out there is really good with relationships and jobs, I'll be all set.
All in all, I think I should just leave the law and become an interior designer.
Either that, or Beth, Lynn, A* and I are going to buy a van and drive around in it solving mysteries.


Blogger A* said...


Let it be known I got to spend Thanksgiving in this gorgeous space. Yeah, you're all jealous.

However, I would like to know how I got the "makreting" end of things in the mystery van business.

12:28 PM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Nice! It looks like you turned your place on its side and shook all the old stuff out.

12:31 PM  
Blogger allison said...

I have three words for your new digs.

Bee. You. Ti. Full.

5:34 PM  
Blogger hofzinser said...

Can I be Dan when I grow up?

7:20 PM  

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