Weekend Recap: The New And More Appropriate Name Edition

In the interest of truth in advertising, we here at the 6th Floor have decided that the Weekend Recap will be replaced with the much more appropriate "Hangover Report".
I even spent time at work making up a new graphic. Wheeeeeeeee!
A lot happened this weekend, including but not limited to my using a kitchen knife to perform surgery on my own foot friday night while clutching a bottle of vodka in the other hand (in your face, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman!), Bartender's announcement that he will no longer be working $6 Ketel Thursdays (Eras end, children. Get used to it.), Brunch with Hof, A*, Jules, and Allison, yet another Non-date with Bartender, this time a dinner for his birthday that ended with Champagne and a long walk home (followed by a phone call from Beth stating the very obvious "Dude. you're fucking dating him. You're just not getting the fucking part."), a trip to the world's most offensive straight bar with Beth and Leslie, and Desperate Housewives followed by a long night of drinking with Bartender and the Venezuelans at an array of shitty gay bars.
There are quite a few stories wrapped up in each one of those events, but I'm too tired to write them up or even come up with clever metaphors with which to pepper the anecdotes (and why pepper? why not salt?). Besides, I spent at least 5 minutes making a nifty new graphic. What do you people want? Blood?
If nothing else, we are going to start learning from our forays into the alcoholic arts. Each Hangover Report will now come with a prepackaged lesson at the end. Like an afterschool special, but the alcoholic stays an alcoholic. And is gay. And swears. A lot. So here is is kids. The first "Hungover Revalation":

"Unlimited Bloody Mary's and Mimosas with Brunch!" is not a dare.