February 22, 2005

Reach Out, Touch Faith

In a new book he "wrote", Pope John Paul II has said that gay marriage is part of an 'Ideology of Evil'.
Now, I have numerous problems with this one, the least of which is that the Pope hasn't been lucid enough to sign his own fucking name in years, much less pen an entire book. Seriously. I'm relatively certain that he's been dead since the late 90's and they have him propped up with a series of pulleys in his giant hat a la
Weekend At Bernie's. And did anyone notice how much "Ideology of Evil" sounds like "Axis of Evil"? And since when is love evil? And Honestly, The Pope in his current state 'wrote' a book? I imagine much in the way a 2 year old 'writes' in a birthday card to a parent: guided message, faked authenticity, maybe a backward "S" for effect, but we all know he just isn't capable; I mean, he most likely can't wipe his own ass.

Furthermore, I once dated a Spanish Count. Really. And in his time on this Earth, he was granted audience with the Pope for his parents' 50th wedding anniversary. I'm not fucking with you here, People. He met JP.
So when he had his 5 minutes with the Pope, he asked the Pope: Father, I'm gay. What should I do?

Quoth the Pope: "My son, what did Jesus teach us? To love, and to love truly. As long as you have love in your heart, it does not matter who you love. Live as Jesus taught you."
I'm no Catholic, but those words stuck with me. Because the Pope is pretty much God's secretary, and if he said it's ok, then I'm going to be as gay as possible. For Jesus.


Blogger A* said...

Honey Jesus loves you. And apparently so does the pontiff... go forth and sin like you have never sinned before!

9:51 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

I actually heard that JPII is ghost writing the new Harry Potter book. The plot centers around Harry and all his magical friends feeling guilty about things.

3:40 PM  

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