February 09, 2005

And I'm A Million Different People From One Day to The Next

I spent the day pretending to be an art installer (no, really) in South Jersey with a friend who had sold a rather large and expensive painting to a very wealthy defense contractor's wife, and whose installer cancelled on him at the last minute. I maintain the installer simply did not want to go to South Jersey, but who am I to speculate?
Somewhere between the banister on the grand stairway, which was made of bronze and shaped like a very curvy, very thick rope, the oversized faux vases representing no less than 6 coutries and dynasties, the 2 foot African figurine with feathers for hair, the mod 60's couch upholstered in mustard yellow and covered with Indian throw pillows, the conch shell-shaped Mezuzah, the etched glass wall installed to separate the kitchen from the living room, the floor to 50-foot ceiling black marble fireplace, the oversize cactus in a bare white room with White ash hardwood floors and the plasma TV behind a plate of sliding red and brown marble, it occurred to me that this woman had a lot of taste. Sadly none of it good.
She was not happy with Dan the Art Installer, who had to punch several holes in her very expensive, and, according to her, irreparable grass-thatch wall paper (no, really). I suggested that a blow torch might drastically improve the look of the wall paper, or, judging by her taste in decoration, a strategically hung tapestry from Urban Outfitters.
I am so not cut out to be an art installer.


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