May 05, 2005

My Secret Shame

OK, I finally have to admit it. I watch The Apprentice. I hate reality TV in all its forms, but earlier this year I was trapped on a plane en route to LA. It happened to be inauguration Day. Every TV channel on the plane was showing George W. Except NBC.
And so began my fascination with Donald Trump's nasal voice, the 18 bottom feeders vying for a job licking his shoes, George, Caroline, Rona, Robin, Toilets, Cheeseburger Pizza, Verna, Tana, Kendra, Erin and the rest of them.
Tonight, FINALLY, Craig was fired. And I am pissed.
Because the level of douchebaggery achieved by that man deserved a verbal assramming by Trump. Instead that fucking asshat got to slink off after the interview portion, getting off with a simple "The executives thought you didn't have much substance. You're Fired."
Allow Me:
Craig, you're an idiot. When you called Kendra "Young Lady" I wanted to leave my apartment, walk over to Trump Tower and punch you in the kidneys.
When you led your group the first time as project manager by reciting some incomprehensible prayer and then drifting off while building your little box, I kept hoping that you'd somehow nailgun your hand to a wall and remain unfound until you had died from blood loss.
I wouldn't trust you to lead a preschool field trip to the local Ray's Pizza. When you left my poor sweet Kendra all alone to create the car brochure and then took credit, I wished that your eyeballs would melt from your skull and ruin your sodding bowtie.
If there was justice on reality TV, you wouldn't have been fired, but sodomized by George while Caroline whipped you with a length of barbed wire dipped in tobasco sauce just before being pushed off the balcony by Kendra while locked in your little "Toy Chest" with Chris and That Fat Guy who insisted on buying expensive toilets.


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