July 12, 2005

Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?

I stopped by a bar in the neighborhood tonight to drop a CD off to one of the Venezuelans. While I was standing there, I actually heard someone say to a guy he was making out with:
"Oh, when I'm good, I'm good. When I'm bad, I'm even better."
And then I went spontaneously deaf.
I'm relatively certain that if I could have brought myself to look in their direction, he would have been giving the guy the "double guns".
And yet I haven't made out with anyone in a loooooong time. Perhaps it's time I brought a few of my gems out of retirement:
"Did It Hurt? When You Fell From Heaven?"
"If I Wrote the Alphabet I Would Have Put U and I Together."

"Hi. I'm recently single and fragile."
"So, You Look Pretty Clean..."
It's not me, it's them, right? Right? Hello? Anyone? Bueller?
*Crickets*
Oh Come ON. There ARE no crickets in New York. And I can hear you breathing out there. It's SO not me. Or my attitude. Not me at all.

8 Comments:

Blogger MooCow said...

Walk up to someone in a bar and ask to borrow a cigarette. Regardless of if they have one say, "Thanks (Or "Oh well"). I just wanted to have something of yours between my lips."

12:22 AM  
Blogger deanne said...

In which I show my naivete - um, what are 'double guns'?

5:25 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Have been trying to find a pitcure of the double guns to accompany this post..
It's when someone puts up their two index fingers and cocks back thier thumbs to make their hands like guns and points at someone.
Often accompanied by unruly chesthair and acidwash denim

10:02 AM  
Blogger A* said...

Honey you called me last night and left no msg. You ok??
And that is a wonderful p/u line MooCow. And by wonderful...I mean revolting.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Addendum:
Deanne: At this address is a particularly lovely example of the "Double Guns". The gentleman flashing us the guns is, Hand To God, doing so from under the armpits of what appears to be a Thai waitress/hooker (the pic was lifter from a website of his trip to Thailand.

http://www.mattmtravels.com/Pattaya396.jpg

11:30 AM  
Anonymous bradders0201 said...

Two of my favorites are "Get your coat, you've just pulled" & "Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?" Sorry, even I'm starting to gag now.....

12:02 PM  
Blogger song said...

I forgot my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

sad, but useful on occasion.

12:59 PM  
Blogger deanne said...

Ahhhh - double guns - I get it now!

Deanne [born blonde]

5:13 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home