Gauntlets Thrown Down, Etc.

Greetings gentle readers.
So Bathroom Reading has created something called Blogger Challenge. Sides were chosen (OK, it was done geographically. But still. Sides nonetheless.). Lines were drawn. Toblerones were promised.
And this week my team (Team New York... come to think of it, we're both lawyers too) steps up to bat against Charleston.
This week's topic, chosen by our dearly missed MooCow (Hi, Moo!):

Blog the story of “Goldilocks and the three bears.” Pick anycharacter you like, but write up the fairy tale like it was one ofyour normal blog posts. Same voice, tone, structure, type of humor,people, whatever. That kind of thing…

My brain hurts from thinking about it. How am I supposed to be me and still be someone else at the same time? Of all the people living inside my brain, I have neither bear nor small flaxen-haired girl.
I write all of this because without an explanation, my next post would seem WAY more random than my usual drunken Pope-bashing antics.
But I'm nothing if not up to the task. My creative muslce needs some flexing (no, that's not a euphemism).
Game On.